Flamingo Fix 016: Why You Keep Breaking Your Own Policies (Even with a Team and SOPs)

That moment when you hear yourself saying yes to something your business policy clearly states is a no - that's not a failure, a character flaw or lack of discipline.

You just shifted into one of the states that recovering people-pleasers shift into when their nervous system responds to whether a planned systematic response to a business situation feels emotionally safe and fair to both you AND others. Let's explore a bit deeper.

Your business looks structured from the outside and you embody the confident CEO and leader you worked hard to become. You've built boundaries, systems, and a team to maintain them. Yet inside, you're still wrestling with when to stand firm and when to flex.

You create a client communication policy requiring all requests to go through your project and communication management system, then respond to direct texts from your favorite or new clients. You carefully craft scope documents with clear boundaries - then do free work anyway, telling yourself, “It’s just a small addition." You hold firm with new clients when they push boundaries, but bend backward for long-term ones.

What's most frustrating is that you've done the work. You went to therapy. You got coaching. You read the books. You built the systems to support your leadership and personal growth. Yet in those critical moments when your boundaries are tested, the emotional pull to please still speaks louder than your logical mind.

This happens because we can can move to any of the four distinct states during people-pleasing recovery. We shift into these states based on your sense of safety and fairness in any given situation, and your overall recovery maturity in your business.

Recognizing which state you're operating from and why can save you years of frustration with crumbling systems, shifting boundaries, and depleting business relationships.

State 1: It’s All About Showing Love for "Them" (The Pale Flamingo)

You become the passive pleaser trying to keep everyone happy, even if it costs you everything.

• You undercharge for your services and avoid conversations about money to keep clients happy.

• You accept scope creep and last-minute changes because saying no feels uncomfortable.

• You respond to client messages at all hours despite having clear "office hours" in your contract.

• Your team can't rely on your processes because you make exceptions for every "special" case.

• You keep your true expertise hidden, positioning yourself as a helper rather than an authority.

This is the classic grey flamingo: self-muted, self-forgetting, and always performing. It's survival people-pleasing mode dressed up as perfectionism, overthinking and control. Under pressure or in unfamiliar situations, it's easy to revert to here, especially if safety, fairness or trust feels threatened.

State 2: It’s All About Showing Love for "Me" (The Fortress Flamingo)

You realized your worth and you're DONE being walked on. Your boundaries go up like walls as you protect your space and peace.

• Your policies have become rigid and inflexible, even when reasonable accommodation makes sense.

• You drop clients at the first sign of difficulty rather than addressing underlying issues.

• Your team hesitates to bring problems to you for fear of your defensive reaction.

• You've stopped investing in client experience because you're focused solely on efficiency.

• Your business feels productive but lacks connection and genuine relationships.

This is still a grey flamingo, just with armor. It feels strong, but it's not freedom. It's a self-protection strategy, an understandable overcorrection, but not the end goal. While there are people who have embraced this state as a way of life, it is also possible to rest here during certain situations or in some areas of life.

State 3: It’s About Showing Love For "Us" (them and me) (The Balanced Flamingo)

You become the bridge-builder who is learning to create mutuality. Your needs matter, and so do theirs and you’re finally figuring out how to honor both.

• You've created systems that serve both your business needs and client expectations.

• Your pricing reflects both your value and the transformation you deliver.

• You maintain consistent boundaries with both new and long-term clients.

• You have difficult conversations without avoiding or overreacting.

• Your team trusts your leadership because you model the consistency you expect.

You're pink… but not fully vibrant yet. This is where boundaries start to feel like love, not punishment. You are actively in recovery from being a people-pleaser, perfectionist, control freak and overthinker. It shows in your leadership, client experience, team engagement, sales cycle and business model.

This is the space where many recovering people-pleasers feel safe to rest for the rest of their lives. But if you are working to "love God, love you and love your neighbor", there is still one level higher you can go.

State 4: It’s About Showing Love for God + Us (The Pink Flamingo)

You become the anchored steward who leads from love, not fear, not performance. You recognize that loving and serving others is bigger than just you or them. Your identity is rooted, your leadership is whole, and your peace is no longer negotiable.

• Your business decisions align with purpose rather than validation-seeking.

• You've built a business model that honors both your wellbeing and client success.

• Your systems have room for both excellence and grace, structure and flexibility.

• You navigate difficult decisions by asking "Does this demonstrate love for God, me, and them?"

• You lead with both conviction and humility, creating a culture of mutual respect.

This is the vision: clarity without control, peace without passivity, leadership without losing yourself. This is full color. Full alignment. The Pink Flamingo Self in motion - a way of leading that honors God, yourself, and your neighbor.

Most recovering People-pleasers who are business leaders and founders don’t realize that their recovery state can shift from moment to moment, area to area in their business when they feel unsafe or unfair. This is why your systems often don't stick unless they feel like they allow you to address situations fairly and safely.

You might enforce boundaries firmly with new clients while bending over backward for long-term ones. You create clear communication policies, then respond to after-hours texts "just this once" (for the tenth time). You update your scope of work with clear boundaries, then do free work anyway because "it's just a small addition."

Your team sees this inconsistency too. They've watched you create processes only to abandon them when emotions run high. They've seen you prioritize "client happiness" over the very systems you asked them to maintain.

This isn't about willpower. It's about your current understanding of safety and fairness in business relationships.

The good news? As you heal, your leadership becomes more consistent. Your systems start working because they finally honor both you AND others. Even when you slip, recovery becomes faster and your business infrastructure grows stronger because it's built for the real you, not an idealized version.

So, where are you now in your business journey?

And more importantly, where are you headed next?

If you're working to become the Balanced or Pink Flamingo in how you lead, serve clients, and support your team: The Pink Flamingo Way and Client Success Experts were designed to help align your business systems with your recovery journey.

The Client Success Experts is for service-based founders and corporate leaders who are doing the inner work, but business still pulls you back into old people-pleasing patterns. Let's chat. Book a curiosity call to explore how we can help you create or sustain scalable, efficient, safe and fair business structures that reflect your recovery and protect what matters most - your values, relationships, freedom and business growth.

The Pink Flamingo Way is for individuals healing from people-pleasing, perfectionism, overthinking and control. We offer practical faith-based tools, resources and insights to help you heal the root of your patterns, and start living as who God created you to be – Your Pink Flamingo Self. Ready to stop betraying yourself for the sake of loving others, and need a safe space to unpack your blind spots and build a new way of being, come join us in The Pink Flamingo Way.

💡 Need a Fix?

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OPTION 1: Join CEO Like A CEO - our high-touch mentorship for growing CEOs and leaders. Step out of the weeds, scale smarter and lead stronger with structure, strategy, and sanity backed by human-centered business optimization tactics and data-driven decision-making.

OPTION 2: Need practical tools, strategies and tactics to support your personal people-pleasing recovery, head on over to The Pink Flamingo Way for small steps you can take weekly.

OPTION 3: Invite us to speak or do a business workshop/training. Drop us an email.

OPTION 4: Grab the "How to Train Your Clients" Workshop. Just $99 to learn how to set rock-solid boundaries (and get clients to actually respect them).

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